


I'm coming clean.

by Iamsodunwithmylife



Series: Joshler Oneshots [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, College AU, Coming Out, Confusion, Crushes, Drama, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Happy Ending, High School AU, Hurt/Comfort, Lake Michigan, M/M, Oneshot, Religious Guilt, Underage Drinking, Underage consensual sex, bi!josh, gay!tyler, roommate au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 14:53:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11716665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamsodunwithmylife/pseuds/Iamsodunwithmylife
Summary: Tyler's journey of finding himself and dealing with what it means to be gay, while finding love in the process.





	I'm coming clean.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I just got back from vacation, so have this one shot until I have another chapter for my lobger fic ready.

Things first became confusing for Tyler, when he was a freshman in High School. He had just started playing basketball and found most of his friends on the team, when he simply couldn't take his eyes off his friend Blake's naked chest in the locker room. You see, Blake was one of the older guys on the team and therefore not one of the scrawny, lanky, undeveloped freshmen, but already really muscular and adult looking. Tyler was fascinated by him. He was the reason Tyler spend a lot more time showering in the evenings and most of his nights awake until the early morning hours, crying and hating himself for being turned on by Blake and not one of the cheerleaders. He was a mess.

Eventually Blake left the team and the school. That was when Tyler went through his first small heartbreak. He cried for two hours after he had been told by his friend that he was moving, and another four hours, when he realized that he apparently had a crush on him. After Blake was gone, Tyler took his feelings and shoved them in the back of his mind as far as he could. He promised himself that he would never ever feel something for a guy again, because being gay was a sin and he definitely was not gay.   
Not him.

He was relatively successful (besides some pornhub visits that lead him to gay porn and nights full of guilt), until the summer between junior and senior year, when he went to a house at Lake Michigan with his family and their neighbors. He spent most days alone at the beach, not interested in group activities. It was the end of the second week, when he met Grace and her brother Mike, twins and both 18, a little over a year older than Tyler. Apparently they were staying in the house next door and so, the three spent their days together. Grace was beautiful and funny and everything you could wish for, but Tyler couldn't help that his heart made little jumps in his chest, every time he looked at her brother. Mike was tall, strong, tan and had a nipple piercing, which nearly gave Tyler a boner when he first saw it. His blonde hair was really curly and he was a surfer. Not only that, but he liked the same music as Tyler and had the most beautiful smile ever. Tyler was in love. This time he didn't feel as guilty, because he didn't take his feelings seriously, he thought of them as wanting to experiment, nothing more. One night Grace went out with other friends and Tyler and Mike sat at the beach in the back of the older boys truck, watching the waves and the stars, beer running down their throats and laughter ringing in their ears. Tyler got a little more tipsy than he wanted, leading to him pressing his lips to Mike's in a moment of courage. The boy didn't push Tyler off though, but reciprocated the kiss. In the heat of the moment and Tyler's brain being shut up by the alcohol, clothes were shed and Tyler fucked Mike with a condom and old lube Mike had in his glovebox, in the back of his truck. When Mike had fallen asleep, Tyler had gotten dressed and ran the three miles to the lake house, tears running down his face and guilt eating him up. He prayed for the first time in months that night, asking for god to forgive him and to rid him of his sinful urges.                                   He never saw Mike again and convinced himself that it was better that way. 

In the middle of senior year, he began dating one of the cheerleaders, a pretty brunette with green eyes, that his parents loved. The only problem was, Tyler didn't love her. He didn't even like her. Especially not when she kissed him or tried to pressure him into sex. He never slept with her, he simply couldn't. Not only because the thought of being intimate with a female made him want to throw up, but also because she was not supposed to see how he had started to deal with his issues. If she would have seen the marks on his skin, she would have told someone and Tyler wouldn't have survived someone taking away the only thing that kept him sane. Long story short, he was very relieved when she broke up with him and started dating a college guy. At least no one had figured him out. 

He slowly started to accept himself after that. He didn't cry every time he watched gay porn or masturbated to the thought of one of his classmates or a particularly hot band member. He still felt a little guilty on Sundays, when he spent the morning with his family in church and silently apologized to god for being who he was and being attracted to the same sex. That ended when their church got a new pastor, who made it very clear, that god loved everyone, no matter who they love or who they are and that everyone was welcome in his church. He got better and better and by the time graduation rolled around, he had come out to himself and accepted that he was in fact very gay. He had never had a boyfriend though and no new crushes since Mike, but he was convinced to change that in college. He promised himself not to hide his sexuality from the new (and hopefully open minded) people. 

Easier said than done.

Tyler had to move to go to college, meaning he was going to live in a dorm room with a roommate. Saying he was nervous about his roommate finding out he was gay, didn't even get close to how terrified he was when he sat in the back of his parents car, the day he was moving in. His parents eventually left and Tyler didn't meet his roommate until the next day, not everyone moved in on the same day, to avoid chaos. The guy apparently was named Josh and studied literature. Tyler was going to study English and had a basketball scholarship. 

Josh was going to arrive in a few minutes and Tyler was freaking out. He had never come out to anyone, how was he going to do this? How long should he wait? Would Josh be homophobic and disgusted by having a gay roommate? Would he move out? Tyler's mind was going 200 miles an hour, when he was startled out of his trance by a knock on the door.                            He stood up with shaky legs and opened the door, to find the most gorgeous boy standing in front of it: lip piercing, brown Mohawk, freckled cheeks and the most captivating smile.

"Hey, you must be Tyler?", Josh grinned, his smile warmer than the sun. 

"Uh, um-yeah, Tyler, uh, Josh?", the younger barely got out, awestruck.

"Nice to meet you, man", Josh reached out his hand, still outside the door. 

Tyler accepted the handshake and whispered a shy 'nice too meet you, too'.

"Can I come in?" 

"Oh, gosh, of course, I-I a-am so sorry", Tyler blushed furiously and mentally slapped himself for being such a klutz.

The rest of the day consisted of Josh unpacking and Tyler getting flustered by him every few minutes. That night Tyler barely slept, aware of the fact that he was already crushing on the boy sleeping only a few feet away from him.

During the following days, the two spent nearly every minute together, due to the fact that they knew no one else there and got along very well. Tyler discovered that Josh was a drummer and loved punk music and some of the bands Tyler listened to. He also learned that Josh had three younger siblings, just as Tyler, was just as afraid of being an adult and was a total cat person. Tyler loved spending time with him, but became more and more nervous to tell Josh that he was gay, because he didn't want the boy to hate him, now that they had become friends. It went on like this and Tyler was happy that the topic had never come up. A week later, class started and the two were seperated most of the day, befriending new people. Luckily they all got along and it wasn't rare that they all ate lunch together, Tyler and his new friends and Josh and his new friends all at one table, laughing and conversing happily. No one talked about sexuality or partners or whatever, it seemed like they all wanted a new start and everyone was single in a their little group. Also, Tyler thought that they maybe didn't know each other well enough yet, to talk about such private things, but Brendon Urie, the most friendly but also most straight forward one of their new friends, proved him wrong. They hadn't even known him for two weeks, when he asked the question Tyler was afraid of.

"So, any of you guys already have an eye on one of the college ladies?", he chuckled with a big grin on his face.

'Oh no, this is it', was all Tyler could think, his face getting hotter.

"This one red head in my English course is really hot", smirked Josh and Tyler's heart broke a little. Of course Josh was straight.

"Debby?", asked Pete and high fived Josh after he had nodded.

"Tyjo! What about you?"

'oh god, why does Brendon have to be so nosy?'

"Uh, um, no. Not really"

"Got a girlfriend back home?", chimed in Pete, grinning sheepishly.

"Nah, errr-we broke up a while ago", Tyler blushed again.

"No worries, you'll find someone soon", said Josh with a wink and patted him on his back, Tyler's blush got even worse and he nodded shyly.

 

Later that night, Josh and Tyler were lying in their beds and talking in the dark, as usual.

"So, you aren't interested in any of the girls here?", Josh asked after a short silence, curiosity lacing his voice.

Tyler hummed in agreement.

"But there are so many good looking ones...", the other boy stated, seeming a little confused by Tyler's lack of interest in the opposite sex.

Tyler sighed, maybe he should just get it over with.

"Look, Josh, I wanted to tell you this for a while now and I hope that you won't freak out", Tyler's voice was shaking a little, but he was determined to do this now.

"Shoot, man.", chuckled Josh.

"I'm not interested in any girls here, because I-I'm ... generally not interested in girls", he let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.

Josh was silent for a moment and Tyler got closer to freaking out, every second that he didn't say something.

"So...like...gay?"

"Uh...yeah.", Tyler was really grateful that the room was dark, because his face had to be able to compete with a tomato by now, in terms of redness.

"Oh, uh, o-okay", Josh stuttered, seeming very surprised and uncomfortable, but not in a disgusted way.

Neither of them said a word after that and they still hadn't talked to each other 48 hours later, Josh avoiding Tyler at all costs, it seemed like and Tyler getting more and more annoyed by his strange behavior. He was a little (okay, a lot) hurt by Josh's reaction, because he still had thought that he may would've had a chance with the older guy. But that seemed more than unlikely now.

Tyler had spent his lunches not with their usual group, but went to a coffee shop on campus and worked on assignments there. He kinda liked it, but it still felt a little weird and lonely without Josh. He talked to one of the baristas, a guy named Taylor, who was very cute and found their similar names just as funny as Tyler did.

Two Days after Tyler's coming out, Josh finally talked to him. He was just walking to class after lunch in the coffee shop when his roommate approached him.

"Uh, I'm sorry I've been so distant. The whole...thing...was just a-a huge surprise..."

"No problem. It doesn't bother you though, does it?", Tyler looked at his feet, scared of Josh's answer.

"N-No, not at all."

Tyler didn't really believe him, but nodded anyways and gave him a shy smile. Josh smiled back, even though it didn't really reach his eyes, and his smile made Tyler's heart flutter a little again, but he was still confused by Josh's reaction.

"So, you gonna join us again for lunch?", Josh sounded hopeful, probably wanting to have everything back to normal.

"Um, tomorrow I can't, I already promised someone to meet up with them...", it was true, Tyler had promised Taylor to spent the latter's lunch break together.

"Oh, okay. No problem. Someone I know?"

Tyler didn't miss the tint of jealousy in Josh's voice. 

"I don't think so...He works at the Coffee Shop. Taylor York."

"O-oh...a guy.", he muttered, but Tyler heard him, "Um, no doesn't ring a bell", Josh forced a smile and Tyler smiled back. Was Josh really jealous? He was more confused than ever about whether Josh may not be as straight as Tyler had thought.

"Gonna see you after class in our dorm?"

"See you", Josh gave a shy smile and headed back into the direction of the building he had come from.

Tyler hung out with Taylor the next day, the two boys drinking coffee and talking about college and classes and hot guys. Yes you've heard right, Taylor was also gay and the second person Tyler had come out to. The two had a lot of fun during Taylor's 30 minute break. To both of them it was obvious that they'd never be more than friends, but to someone who watched them, it may have seemed like they were on a date. That someone was Josh, who couldn't resist to walk by the coffee shop to see who this Taylor guy was.  
Tyler didn't notice Josh at all, or the hurt look on his face when Tyler laughed about a joke Taylor made, or the disappointment, when Tyler ran his hands through Taylor's brown curls, complimenting him. He also didn't see Josh leaving and shedding a few tears on his way home. 

"I should probably head back to work...", Taylor chuckled, Tyler nodding in agreement.

"Yeah, I should work on some stuff as well. Thanks for the coffee and the nice time.", he smiled and engulfed the curly haired boy in a hug.

"See you tomorrow, Ty. And good luck with Josh, I bet he likes you more than you think.", he winked and Tyler rolled his eyes, grinning.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, but thanks. See ya"

Josh obviously didn't expect Tyler to come back to the dorm so quickly, because when the younger boy opened the door, he was met with a crying Josh, that shrieked in surprise when he entered and tried to hide his tears.

"Hey, Josh! Do you wan-Oh my god! Is everything okay?", Tyler immediately rushed to his roommate's side, not touching him, but sitting very close to him, so that he could lean on him if he wanted to.

"I-It's nothing really, I'm just being stupid...", Josh sniffled, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

"You're crying, so it can't be nothing. No one cries over nothing."

"I-", Josh tried but a sob escaped him.

"You can tell me, whatever it is. I mean I came out to you, like three days ago, you don't have to be embarrassed about anything with me", Tyler smiled at him shyly and Josh nodded.

"C-Can I ask you so-something?", the older stuttered. Tyler was surprised but hummed in agreement.

"Course. Ask me anything you want, I'll answer honestly."

"How...uh, how did you know you were ....gay?"

Tyler's eyes widened. Maybe it really was jealousy that he saw in Josh, when he had talked about Taylor.

"I guess I always kinda knew, but I spent years trying to suppress it.", Josh nodded, "The giveaway though, was for sure when I slept with a guy and it was the best thing ever. I didn't acknowledge it at that time, but I had liked that so much, that girls just never were an option after that.", Tyler chuckled a little and Josh smiled shyly as well.

"May I ask why you wanted to know this?", he backtracked when he saw Josh's eyes widen in fear, "You don't have to tell me obviously!"

"No, it's okay...I think, errr, uh, maybe, um, I think I'm bisexual...?", Josh barely got out, a tear rolling over his cheek, "Everything is so confusing a-and I always thought i-its wrong...", he stopped when Tyler wrapped his arms around him a nod hugged him tightly.

"Shhh, it's okay, you're gonna be alright.", he pulled back, "First: Nothing wrong with being gay, or bi, or whatever, okay? I spent years feeling guilty and even, uh fell into some bad habits, so please don't make the same mistake, yeah?", Josh nodded once again, staring at Tyler with wide, hazel eyes, "Second: If I may ask, why do you think that? Did you always know as well, or are you just discovering it...?"

Josh blushed at Tyler's question and looked down at his lap, where he was fiddling with his hands, "Uh, just recently...I kinda like someone and it's a boy....", he looked up at Tyler again. 

"Is, um, is it me?", Tyler whispered, not wanting to scare Josh.

"I'm so sorry", Josh's eyes filled with tears again.

"Hey, hey...Why are you sorry? You have nothing to be sorry about", Tyler gently patted his back. He had been right though, his instincts never betrayed him.

"Yes, I have, because I'm making you uncomfortable. I know you are with that Taylor guy a-and I'm here, telling you about this stupid crush I have on you...", he stopped and stared at Tyler, confused, when the younger started laughing.

"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry Josh, but I can't....Taylor and I we, we aren't together you know. I don't like him like that. Yeah, he is gay, but we are just friends, I mean I also kinda just met him a few days ago..."

"S-so, does that mean..."

"Yup. You didn't have to be nervous at all, because I had a major crush on you, from the moment I first saw you. I-Is that weird?", Tyler chuckled, his turn to blush now.

"No, that's great actually", Josh sighed, being more relieved than ever.

Maybe they shared their first kiss that night. Maybe they also first slept together, in Tyler's bed, both nervous wrecks, a few weeks later. And maybe, just maybe, they are now married, living in Ohio, both out and proud and great fathers to their children. Just maybe. I guess we'll never know....

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading <3 Comments and kudos make my day, they are highly appreciated. Stay Alive |-/


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